


Expired Milk

by TemptedCorpse



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: CURSED FICS, Crack, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, One Shot, my shittiest fic, this is so dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26476162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TemptedCorpse/pseuds/TemptedCorpse
Summary: Kara decides it’s a really good idea to drink expired milk and learns just how shitty that can be even for an alien.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	Expired Milk

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I wrote this but I did.

It’s not like she didn’t know the milk was expired, she just thought that being an alien would differ. What could possibly go wrong if a Kryptonian drank expired milk?

So, here she was drinking a whole gallon of expired milk right out of her fridge. Everything felt perfectly fine and she didn’t have to worry about having to waste milk. Lena was to come over and have a movie night with her, everything is great.

“It’s a bit sour but creamy? I like it.” Kara said to herself as she discarded what used to be filled with milk.

Letting out a massive burp and fanning her hands in front of her face to ward of the sour smell of milk.

Kara starts the popcorn by placing it in the microwave and hitting the popcorn button. Grabbing an empty bowl and placing some chips in it, setting it on the coffee table in front of the couch with some dipping choices. 

Grabbing a variety of drinks for her fridge and placing them next to the snacks, her stomach growls and she thinks nothing of it. Thinking she’s a bit hungry she eats a left over pizza in her fridge that looks pretty gnarly.

‘“Pert” Her ass screams in protest.

“Ohh feeling a little gassy aren’t yah?” She laughs to herself.

Just passing a little gas, nothing too serious Kara thinks as she waits for Lena and that’s when an even louder fart comes out and Kara feels it. It feels like she just ate stuffed jalapeños and it’s passing in gas form.

“Oh no!” Kara clenches her rear, trying to hold her cheeks closed with her hands as she makes an awkward run to the toilet.

“BERT!” Kara’s ass screams again.

The feeling of warmth and wetness starts to seep through and Kara is absolutely disgusted with herself.

“Holy Rao!” She rips her shorts off and throws herself down onto the toilet and gripping the ‘oh shit’ bars, which is basically the toilet seat that creaks in protest to Kara’s death grip.

She can smell it already and it’s deathly toxic as it fills her loft, the plant by the door starting to wilt from it. A knock sounds on the door, definitely meaning Lena’s here and she’s about to let herself in through Kara’s door. 

“NOOOOO! DON’T COME IN!” Kara screams from her holy thrown.

It’s too late as Lena opens the door, taking one step in before she’s hit with the most rank smell she’s ever smelt in her life, immediately pinching her nose and gagging as her stomach wants to empty its contents on Kara’s floor.

“Holy fucking shit! Wh- blargh” Lena pukes before she can even finish.

“I’m so sorry Lena!” Kara yells from the bathroom.

“What is that smell?” Lena gets out before she vomits again.

There’s a loud fart and a splashing sound and Lena just knows what’s happening. She knew Kara was supergirl but she didn’t expect this from the girl of steel, to walk in and catch a whiff of this shit.

“I’ll be back!” Lena shouts as she stumbles out the door and runs to her car, leaving Kara all by herself again.

She’s already drenched in sweat and pale from the short amount of time she’s been on the bowl. She flushes the toilet with her shaking hands to keep it from clogging, she rests against the tank and feeling the coolness of it being some comfort to her body.

The door opens and in steps a hazmat suit covered Lena with an oxygen tank connected to it. It doesn’t look like an ordinary hazmat suit it looks pretty high tech. Something she’s been working on and just happened to have it with her.

First thing she does is open all the windows to let the air in and get the stank out. She walks back over to the door, grabs something that looks like a long rod with pinchers on the end and a bottle of pink liquid that reads Pepto Bismol.

When Lena hands the bottle of poop medicine over to Kara with the pincher rod, Kara downs the whole bottle. She doesn’t bother to read the backside she just wants it to be over.

“What happened?” Lena asks behind the clear plastic mask of the suit.

A silent chuckle comes from Kara before she responds, “Expired milk.”

“Did you not read the date?” Lena questions.

Kara just looks at Lena and smiles with a pained expression on her face.

“I uhh Ikindaknewitwasexpired!” She rushes it out of mouth.

“Kara!” Lena facepalms her shielded face.

“I just thought it would be okay since Alex made me drink dish soap once an-”

“You drank dish soap??!” Lena was looking concerned for Kara’s well being.

“I thought the expired milk wouldn’t affect me.” Kara defends herself.

Lena just shakes her head and chuckles. Of course Kara would think that, but defended by rotten lactose.

“Guess you learned how shitty that can just be.” Lena started laughing at herself.

“Haha very funny.” Kara rolled her eyes.

“Common it was at least a little funny.”

“Fine. It was and I learned I’m not immune to expiration.” Kara lets out a brief laugh.

“Hold one second.” Lena says as she makes her way over to Kara’s fridge.

Grabbing a bottle of water and Gatorade for Kara, checking her watch for some readings. She removes her mask and sets it on the table, making her way back to Kara and giving her the ‘Cool Blue’ drink and sipping on some water to soothe her dry throat.

“Thank you.” Kara smiles at Lena.

“I know you’re feeling a bit icky but I got your favorites and put them in the fridge for later. We can do movie night another time.” 

Lena wets a small cloth and dabs it lightly on Kara’s face, tucking a few loose blonde strands behind her ear. She gives Kara a gentle kiss on the forehead and makes her way out of the bathroom.

“I’ll get the bed ready and you freshen up okay.” Lena tells Kara closing the door behind her.

When Kara finishes showering and getting into the clothes Lena brought in for her, she feels a bit better than better and makes her way over to the bed. Lena’s reading a book when Kara enters the bedroom, setting her book down when Kara joins her under the covers. Lena cuddles up to Kara and they just share each other’s warm and comfort.

For the rest of the night Lena takes care of Kara. Comforts her when she gets up and runs to the bathroom. That’s the last time Kara gets the shits that bad. The next night Kara and Lena have their movie night all cuddled up. They fall in love a little more each day.

**Author's Note:**

> Crack? *shakes can* Crack fic?


End file.
